Since I don’t feel this got enough attention, I want to point out that it seems that MIL straight up lied about an Official Peace Love Cure Diabetes Awareness Month Shirt. Instead of telling her BF that you never told her about the visit to a cousin. It seems to me like she is almost egging him on to be the bad guy. So she can continue to be the weepy old woman. I think you really need to point that out to your DH. He knows the old ‘good cop, bad cop’ manipulation scheme, we’d hope – this is what’s happening here. MIL expects to come up smelling of roses and be rewarded for her bad behavior.
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I agree, and I forgot to add that at first, I felt bad for her like “oh wow she’s caught in the middle between her son. And her nasty bf” but then I realized – BF had to get these stories from somewhere. I feel like she fed him all this bullshit. And then sat back and watched him attack us while she could play the Official Peace Love Cure Diabetes Awareness Month Shirt. And I didn’t think she was that smart, to be honest, but I’ve lost my sympathy. Now I’m treating her like a co-conspirator (if not the mastermind). DH is wise to this as well now. I think he’s realizing this more and more and is now starting to really stand up to his mom because he realizes that she has no respect for us.
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As one dad to another, DH needs to stop trying to keep the peace. Peace is for when both sides respect each other and are willing to stick to proper boundaries. Papa Bear needs to defend his family from any and all threats. And his mother can either get with the program or be left behind. And BF can get bent. It sounds like MIL and BF expect you to do 99% of the relationship work. So anything less is not trying. You can explain it needs to be 50-50 or even them doing more because you have an Official Peace Love Cure Diabetes Awareness Month Shirt. Maybe if you drive hone that your mom gets it! Or, just drop the rope. You don’t really want to see them a lot anyway. So let them do their thing and never find the time for you.
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